Utopian crafts would be banned in favor of developing robot armies. Admittedly, minimal resources may require robot muscles to be made out of macrame yarn as opposed to woven carbon nanotubes. Robots would be trained in Utopian craft-making skills, freeing up cult-members time for more genuflection upon the Leader. They would also be trained to kill outsiders on sight.
Deprogramming process consists of 12 hour Electric Slide marathons followed by 2 hour lecture on how dance is in fact a gestural key to opening your mind to the Syncretic Now. Members who ask what the 'Syncretic Now' is, flogged.
Would assign various aspects of personality to cult members ala Horcruxes. eg: "James, today you will be my love of butterscotch and Sandra will be my self-esteem issues brought on by an overattentive mother".
Jerry Blank not welcomed in cult.
Unlike other groups which try to slowly lull you into a sense of security by claiming they are self-help groups, religious organizations, etc.. would be up front. Recruiting procedure would consist of asking people: "Hey,do you want to be in a cult? Our Messianic leader will demand your total commitment and in exchange you get to freak out your parents and possibly be raided by the ATF. Also, we have these cool buttons, but you know, if you're a pussy, I understand."
Would rent cult out for bat mitvah's, New York Fashion Week.
Cult would have to enact episodes of Soap, Benson and the original Battlestar Galactica for my pleasure, nightly. Would yell at them, throw beer cans as if watching real TV.
Would have members drink small cups of Kool-Aid on a regular basis, just to you know- freak them out.
